Quick Answer
To write wedding vows: 1) Brainstorm what you love about your partner and what you want to promise, 2) Choose a structure (opening, body, promises, closing), 3) Write authentically in your own voice, 4) Keep them 2-3 minutes long, 5) Read them aloud to test flow, and 6) Practice before the ceremony. The key is being genuine rather than perfect.
Why Writing Your Own Vows Is Worth It
Writing your own wedding vows is one of the most meaningful things you'll do in your wedding planning process. While traditional vows are beautiful, personal vows allow you to:
- •Express your unique love story in your own words
- •Make specific promises that matter to your relationship
- •Create a deeply personal moment that your guests will remember
- •Have something meaningful to look back on years from now
Yes, it's vulnerable and sometimes challenging. But that's exactly what makes it powerful.
Step 1: Brainstorm and Reflect
Before you write a single word, spend time reflecting on your relationship. Get out a notebook or open a document and free-write answers to these questions:
Questions About Your Partner
- • What made you fall in love with them?
- • What do you admire most about them?
- • How have they changed your life?
- • What are your favorite memories together?
- • What do they do that makes you feel most loved?
- • What makes them different from anyone else?
Questions About Your Promises
- • What do you want to promise them?
- • What values are most important in your relationship?
- • What challenges do you want to commit to facing together?
- • What kind of partner do you want to be?
- • What does "forever" mean to you?
Don't worry about making this pretty. Just write. You're gathering raw material that you'll shape later.
Step 2: Choose Your Structure
Most effective wedding vows follow a simple four-part structure:
1. Opening (30 seconds)
Start with how you feel in this moment or acknowledge the significance of what you're doing.
Examples: "Standing here today, looking into your eyes..." or "From the moment I met you..."
2. Body (1-1.5 minutes)
Share what you love about them, how they've changed you, or meaningful memories. This is the heart of your vows.
Examples: "You've shown me what it means to be truly loved..." or "You make me laugh when I'm taking life too seriously..."
3. Promises (45-60 seconds)
Make specific commitments. This is where you actually "vow" something.
Examples: "I promise to support your dreams..." or "I vow to choose you, every single day..."
4. Closing (15-30 seconds)
End with a powerful statement of commitment or love.
Examples: "You are my forever." or "I choose you, today and every day after."
Step 3: Write Your First Draft
Now take your brainstorming notes and start putting them into the structure above. Here are key principles:
Write Like You Talk
Don't try to sound like Shakespeare or a greeting card. Use words you'd actually use in conversation. If you wouldn't say "thou" or "wherefore" in real life, don't use them in your vows.
Be Specific
"I love you" is nice but generic. "I love the way you dance in the kitchen when you think no one's watching" is memorable because it's specific to you.
Balance Past, Present, and Future
Acknowledge how you got here (past), how you feel now (present), and what you're committing to (future). This creates a complete narrative.
Don't Overthink It
Your first draft will be messy. That's okay. Just get words on paper. You'll refine them later.
Step 4: Refine and Edit
Once you have a draft, it's time to polish it. Here's how:
Read It Out Loud
This is the most important editing step. Vows that look good on paper might feel clunky when spoken. Read them aloud multiple times. If you stumble over words or phrases, simplify them.
Check the Length
Time yourself. Aim for 2-3 minutes (about 250-400 words). Shorter than 1 minute might feel rushed. Longer than 4 minutes and you risk losing your audience's attention.
Cut the Fluff
Remove any phrases that sound cliché or don't add meaning. If a sentence doesn't reveal something specific about your relationship or make a clear promise, consider cutting it.
Coordinate with Your Partner
You don't need to share your exact words, but discuss length and tone. One person shouldn't have 30-second vows while the other speaks for 10 minutes. Make sure you're in the same ballpark stylistically too—both serious, both lighthearted, or both a mix.
Step 5: Practice
Once your vows are written, practice reading them:
- •Practice out loud - Reading silently doesn't count. Your mouth needs to get used to forming these words.
- •Practice with emotion - Don't just read mechanically. Try to feel the words as you say them.
- •Practice where you'll pause - Mark places where you'll take breaths or pause for emphasis.
- •Bring a printed copy - Even if you think you've memorized them, bring a printed copy as backup. Nerves can make you blank.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
❌ Making Them Too Long
More isn't always better. Long vows lose impact. Keep them focused and meaningful.
❌ Using Clichés
Phrases like "You complete me" or "You're my other half" have been said a million times. Find your own words.
❌ Including Inside Jokes Only You Understand
Your guests should be able to follow along. Save the super-inside jokes for your private time.
❌ Trying to Be Funny the Whole Time
A few moments of levity are great, but vows should have depth. Don't turn your ceremony into a comedy routine.
❌ Waiting Until the Last Minute
Give yourself at least 2-4 weeks. You need time to write, edit, and practice. Rushed vows usually show.
Final Tips
- •It's okay to cry - Getting emotional during your vows is beautiful and authentic.
- •Perfection isn't the goal - Authenticity is. Your partner will love your vows because they're from you.
- •Keep a copy somewhere safe - You'll want to read them again on your anniversary.
- •Trust the process - Even if it feels hard at first, keep working at it. The right words will come.